II - He Works in Mysterious Ways

Alrighty. So, let me get right down to the topic that has been most on my mind for the past few days. If you know me at all then im sure you know what this topic is....consider my previous post and it should stand out like a neon sign. I'll give you a hint.

Her name is only 3 letters long...

Yesterday I was pretty happy about going to Chem. class again. I had my hair perfect, sprayed myself with my Axe, and just, was cheery all around. Of course, I had to sit through 2 hours of Economics firstm but i didnt mind. All I could think about was.....yeah. So, we got out early, b/c 2 hours is pretty harsh on the posterior, and I simply headed over to Chem. with my friend Felix. It was a 30 minute wait for class to start but i really didnt mind. I simply just wanted to talk to ___. Finally she comes in and I didnt notice her at first, considering I cant even remember her face no matter how much I look at her, but then the realization hit me in 1/2 a second and I flashed my genuine smile.....and just watched as she passed me up, heading to another row. Well, I was a bit confused....shock maybe, though that word is a bit extreme. This was the same girl that went through a gamut of chairs to sit with me not but a few days ago. But there she went. I didn't think much of it and just turned myself around to talk to her. And then, after a minute I joined her up in her new row (Im a jackass like that, but im learing so cut me some slack). We talked a little, nothing really too in-depth like before, and she seemed a little...disinterested with me. Now that part I did notice pretty quickly. I mean, I may be dense at times, and I surely have no experience in this department, but im not stupid. I do know how to pick up on the small things.

After class, instead of us walking to her car and having a little chat, she just left. Not a glance back at me to see if I was following...just up and outta there. For a moment I contemplated catching up with her....but then I'm not THAT stupid, so I just said, "Oh well" and walked my lonely self back to the dorms.

That incident was on my mind all day and I just couldn't stop thinking about it. Music didnt help and I just couldn't really focus on any work. At about 7 I went for a walk. I was determined to clear my head of her....or die trying. Anyways, I walked around for a good time, but then I passed by this on campus ministry that I had visited a few times before. I decided to check out what was happening and I met up with an Intern, Will, once again and we talked. I didn't know bible study was that night so it was a nice surprise. I ended up staying and meeting some new people. But mainly, what I got from it really helped me put things in perspective. I've been so caught up in what I want that I completely forgot that God has a plan for everyone.

It's a simple sentence really, but it holds incredible power. He has a plan for us all. What happens will happen for a reason. Needless to say, im much better now. While I AM still thinking about ___, Im not as hooked as I was before I went to church. I realize that if im meant to be with ___ then we will be together, if not then im content with just being friends. It makes me remember that my mommy has a gift of being able to see what the future has for people in our family. She told me that I wont find that special person until later in my life. Once i get my career up and going it'll be a few years before I marry. Im starting to think that she's right. I feel that for some reason, I just am not completely ready to have a realationship with anyone. I dont know why im incapable of doing so, but I just feel it. It's like....I need more training....more growing. Its good to be able to tell you that Im ok now, so dont worry about me girlies! your dear Corwin will be a-ok as he now has more on his mind than just what he wants. He's got perspective and it's falling in place for him.

He might just turn out to be a man one of these days yet.