Slip Stream

"You know what I think would be cool? Having an evil twin. I mean, think about it. Like, you'd be frying some eggs in the morning, and then you'd leave the room and your evil twin would come in. Then when you got back you'd be like 'Dude, where are my eggs?' Or you'd be talking to your friend and it'd be like 'Alright, i'll see you guys at seven.' Then your evil twin would come in and say 'Sorry guys, I can't make it.' Then you'd be waiting at like Sonics all alone for an hour or so. I just think it'd make life really interesting."

-10 minutes later-

"Hey Corwin, I haven't seen you all day. Oh....did my evil twin talk to you guys about evil twins? Cause' sometimes he does that....it's weird."

And that's why I love Will....right there. Imagine that but like....10x better. And 5x daily.

Anyways, Im going to give you a nice statement that is in fact a big lie - Nothing much has really been going on with me recently. With that out of the way i suppose Im free to just spill my guts all over this page..and I intend to...just let me get back into that groove. It cant be an intentional thing...that would make it more like an assignment and not really me talking from my heart. I want to share with..whoever reads this..what's in my heart now but i want it to be interesting and just...in that flowing train of thought sort of way that Cait told me I have. I take it as a compliment really, and i've never forgotten it either.

So, i'm home once again and it's beginning to feel different. I have this..urge..a pulling feeling inside of me. I feel as if this home is not so much anymore, which is a weird feeling you know? I mean..i've grown up here...but now it feels as if im in someone else's place...and my real home is back on campus. Everything that I am right now is back on campus at this moment...and I want to get back to it. Erm...I feel as if im just trying spread things around now...sound like i've got a lot going on back there. I guess I do in a sense, but the things that I said were calling me...are in essence my own thoughts of things. They may not actually reflect what is reality....but it's my own private version of things. For instance, Im sure you may have noticed that Liz is taking over the majority of my thoughts. If you've been following my blog for any amount of time BEFORE blogger ate my whole senior year of highschool, then you know that this has happened on more than one occasion.

I fall fast and I fall hard. It takes time for me to pull myself out but..with Liz it's actually not just me staring at a girl across the room and imagining about it. Liz is an actual friend. We've talked and studied and eaten together and just..things you know. It's a nice change..being able to interact with people whenever. being stuck in this house for a year kept me away from people. It made them seem not so real. As soon as I came home, they stopped existing. Their home lives were none of my concern and I didnt even think that they had one. But now, being around these people who ARE home at school...it's...eye-opening to say the least.

But I digress. I know how intense I can be with my feelings at times..it's just my nature. I know that I've been so Liz-oriented recently that it may seem....scary. To be so..infatuated with one person...I dont want it to seem weird to anyone looking from the outside. All you know is what I tell you, but what goes on between her and I would show you that I've really not tried to pursue any sort of relationship with her. She said herself that she's not ready for another one. She's been tied to someone for 4 years and now that she's free she wants to enjoy herself. I understand completely..and i'm not just saying that. I honestly do. The more i'm around her the more I can see qualities of my mother in her...which is weird to say about someone I have a crush on but I'm being honest here so dont freak out ok? My mom's always had to take care of us (children) and she's never had any time to herself. But now she does and I;m happy for her. She's going to college as a testament also. Liz's statement about knowing when she'd be ready to engage in a relationship again is totaly understandable. The very first time she let those words fly from her lips I did feel a little disheartened. But theres so much there, so much to be had and so much already given, it's more than just that little crush. That's in my heart but we're friends, and that means a lot more.

I was going to just move on to another subject now but....i'm hardly on the computer anymore and i've so much in my head that I feel like continuing. So bear with me, this may be the longest post I make that's purely of my own thought. I'm letting it all spill out now. So, to continue with Liz. She's a very interesting girl to say the least. We've been talking recently about past lives and her philosophy on religion and spirituality. She's into horoscopes and things of that nature and I still am a little. I mean, im not pursuing it b/c I have....other things.....to fill that with (more later in the post) but I understand all of her thoughts and ideas and I actually have taken a few of her words to heart. Anyway, we were talking about past lives and she told me that she thinks to fully understand the world you have to live life from all the different perspectives. She believes that in her past life she must have been a guy b/c she prefers to be around males and gets along with them better than with females. To quote her, "Girls are stupid."

And now i've come into a conflict of interests here. I want to keep telling, sharing what her thoughts and ideas and our talks have been about but.....if I did, you'd know all of this and it wouldn't be so special to me that I AM her friend and have all of this in my mind. Yeah.....yeah, i'm keeping the rest to myself...I did forget that some people frequent my blog now. I'm not a gossip and I value all my time with her, and it's for that reason that I cannot keep telling you these things. Sorry guys....So yeah...lets move on.

I've been going to this on campus ministry lately. Well, for the past 5 weeks. It's called the Wesly Foundation and it's an awesome place. There are just...such great people there and it's been a growing experience for me honestly. Thursday Nights are House of Prayer and the last one was the most....I dunno. Let me just explain. This night we were all laying hands on each other, praying for one another's problems you know? We all sat around in a nice circle in the chapel and listened to each other and prayed. And then..i tried talking but, as soon as I opened my mouth I started to cry. I knew what I wanted to say but it was being frozen in my head and I couldn't get it all out like I wanted. I got to a point and then I just broke down. They all held me and embraced me and it was....deep. Jay had me around my neck and he was whispering his prayer into my ear and Eric had me around my chest and it was...I dont know how to describe it really. I was just sobbing hard and then I stopped. I suddenly felt calm and ok.

It just was....

And now I dont feel like writing anymore. Gimme a while and I'll make another post to add to this one.