Has it really been that long since I blogged? Man...what have I been doing since then?

My mother is taking my absence hard...im not there to ignore anymore and it's really egging on her. I suppose she finally sees how much i mean to her now that im not there everyday. But she has a strange way of showing it though.....quite an opposite way in fact.

I was a faker....and maybe I still am. I used the lord to try and find a girlfriend and he punished me with great unhappiness. It took so long for me to realize this, but now that I have I feel much better. I can finally begin to be the man the lord created me to be.

No Narnina tonight for me it seems.....shame too....i did want to see it after all.

Im learning to deal with being alone. I dont have to constantly be around people to be happy. Actually, i was more or less trying to let those people around me determine who I was...and I felt that I didnt exist unless i was being thought of or spoken to. It makes me think of how I acted towards Tasha too....i did really want all her attention but that's impossible to have. Im sad that it took me so long to figure this out though...i guess you can call me a slow learner.

People are human and shouldn't be kept up on pedestals. We all have our faults and mistakes and struggles....but when you really see it for yourself, with your own eyes, and with someone you really think the world of.....it just opens your eyes even more.

Remember though, there's always more to learn and discover....things to help shape who you are....so dont close your eyes to it....it's all the will of the Lord anyways so just stick with him and he'll pull you out of any jam.