Fresh Air and Dont do it Again

I feel much better. I know my last post was a bit cluttered with thoughts, mostly about Valerie, but since then something happend which really helped me clear my mind.

Last week I was starting to feel a little off and it made horrible inside. Turns out that my old passion to learn something became a focus on myself, which became a focus on Valerie. I wasn't spending any time at the Wesly and people noticed it. I tried to be around Valerie more and what not...spent more time at ACTS (Asociation of Catholic Tech Students) even though im nto Catholic.

So yeah, focus was off God and on Valerie and it had an impact on me. Now, i didnt lust for her or anything of that sort just thought about her a lot. And then I realized it on Tuesday night and I felt horrible about having lost focus so i went to the Wesly and fell in front of the cross and cried. And then Nick came in and talked to me for a little while. Its amazing how marvelously the lord works through people when they call out for him. He really rescued me tuesday night. My mind was set into place that night and i've been feeling so much better since.

And then Wednesday I met with my relatively new friend Courtney. I dont remember if I mentioned her in the last post but..anyway. We had lunch together and then talked for a couple of hours at out designated spot overlooking a street....its a nifty spot....and then we had dinner together. The talk was great though, and I think I really needed something like that to happen. I got to tell her some things that I've told no one in Ruston yet and she understood everything and just listened. She's very insightful as well and I enjoy hearing from her so much. Oh and she talked as well, she told me something she alluded to during our last talk. We shared and I thik we're a little closer after that. At least I feel closer to her. She's a great person and I can see the Lord in here so apparently. Like she's glowing in him and it's amazing. She's taking me to chuch on Sunday too and im excited about that...since i've not been to church in Shreveport in over 10 years. Oh and I dont feel the same way about Courtney as I did Valerie. I feel much more peace with Courtney and there's no strugle with her in my mind. Though...if im going to be honest....I have thought about her as a girlfriend....but its more of a playful thing...nothing with seriousness......actually I see it as more of a compliment to her as like....I cannot see how she'll be single for long...taking the world in positively that is.

Anyway, i just wanted to share this new feeling. Im happy again and I have focus on the lord thanks to Nick and Courtney.

Wha'da know....

.....Another blog post.......



What is there to say? Lemme think please....

So...i feel like things are going full circle and I dont like it. I should really really really try to be one with God this comming week. I've been so full of other people that now I feel like there's nothing of me held together anymore. I've been meeting new people due to the Dinner Theatre that I was a part of....

The Wesly Foundation, an on-campus ministry at Tech, held their 2nd annual Dinner Theatre production in order to raise money for mission trips to the south. I had a small part in it, but I was a very recognizable character, and I was the glue that held the plot together. Apparently a lot of people went and since then a couple of people have recognized me from it and actually spoken to me.

....so these new people that I've been meeting, are involved in different on-campus ministries, and since i've wanted to learn more about them for the longest time I decided to actually make good friendships with them in order to at least have a basis for learning and growth in new areas. I feel like i've been pushing them though. As if, i've been really trying to fast forward and get to that cool point between friends. It hasnt been anything noticable...or excessive...but I notice it. So..i'm going to try and stop moving before my head explodes and I fall out of the lord again. Only 5 more weeks and Summer will be here and i'll be back home.....which im not looking forward to at all. Not at all. Not...at...all....

Why is it that when i meet new girls...I more often than not begin thinking in a certain way that goes down a romantic branch? Why cant I just be...normal? I hate it. Its my curse. I hate it. I hardly know my new friends to even have a crush form....I actually dont have a crush on anyone...i guess im just so used to it happening that im responding as if I do already.....which is weird...but I guess its a block to keep it from happening?

*sigh* I hate being a boy....er....patience solves everything. You know...I have the capacity to see them as JUST friends which is good. That's what we need at this moment.

Funny how all things seem to be about opposite sex in some aspect eh? That is to say, with me.